Friday, July 20, 2007

Zombie Apocalypse Rating System

Today we're here to talk about a very important piece of information that everyone should know about : the Zombie Apocalypse Rating System. Many people are still quite confused as to the nature of this scale, what it means to you and how to effectively protect yourself in the future. Well in this new and informative series of posts, we'll be delving into the history of the Zombie Apocalypse Rating Index and perhaps provide some helpful tips to increase your chances of survival. From the classic Romero-type, to the Brain Cravers to even the Running-Ragers, prepare yourselves as we unlock the secrets of the past.

Scale
So how does the scale work? That is the first and most important question that anyone can ask. Well it's quite simple. The ZAR scale is a color coded scale similar to the current Terrorism scale utilized by the mass media. It is a five point scale ranging from Low to Inevitable. How the scale moves up and down along the color codes has yet to be revealed to the general public for National Security Reasons. Many scholars, scientists and speculations have pointed to many factors that might influence the scale such as strange natural weather patterns/disasters or even political hot topic issues such as the Presidential Election of 2000. Some have even noted that the scale itself scales according to (un)confirmed UFO sightings or supernatural events.

There are problems with the scale however that are in dire need of addressing. For one thing, the scale is only a prediction forecast. It has never been nor intended to be a true indication of the state of danger our society will eventually face. Also this scale does not take into account smaller outbreaks of Zombie(ism?) occurring in third world countries and unreported accounts of reanimation. One critic of the scale who wishes to go unnamed has lambasted the scale's ineffectiveness to ensure a proper alert for the common folk in case of a major pandemic. It is still however the only means by which the mass media can relate the state of danger to the local masses.

History
The ZAR scale has a long history obscured by Government agencies and National Security secrecy. The first known reported use of the system dates back to months after World War II during the Cold War era. With paranoia at an all time high due to the fear of mutual self destruction by nuclear weapons, the scale rating index may have actually come close to moving into the Medium territory. Government officials deny that the scale has ever moved up even once in the years since WWII ended but reportedly an article in a local Louisiana newspaper in 1947 stated otherwise. Who is telling the truth? We may never know as circumstances prevent us from locating the writer or his family of this news report and the New Orleans based newspaper has declined further comment. You can be the ones to decide :Declassification of government documents have in recent times brought the scale to light. As a measure to prevent any more speculation of the mysterious forecast system, it has been released to the public shortly after the Terrorism Alert Scale was introduced. However, the mass media and the Associated Press has declined to cover this important system for unknown reasons. All that is known now is the color index rating and this small piece of historical documentation which may or may not even exist.

Next Time : Tips and Tactics or "How not to be Lunch"

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